Until yesterday, I was on the highest point of happiness that I’ve ever reached in my relatively short life. Everything was going my way: I’d just come back from a family
break in Devon and felt at peace; I felt my friends’ presence in my life, which is something I hadn’t really felt for a long time; my relationship with, I’ll call him BalaBoy (even though he doesn’t come from Bala), was flourishing; I was losing a tiny bit of weight; everything was going my way.
BalaBoy, after a long and funny conversation, dropped the bombshell of his antics with his previous girlfriend (I won’t tell you just how it came up – mostly because I can’t remember). Yup, you guessed it – he’s had sex. Immediately my smile faded. To be totally honest I was a bit disgusted – there’s a reason why there’s a law stating how old you need to be! He said, following my obvious disgust: “I don’t care what anyone says because it’s the most amazing thing two people in love can do.” Probably true, but he’s only 15! I expressed my opinion of us being too young, and that we have 60 years (I actually said this) to have sex, but we only get one childhood, and we need to live it to the max, but he seemed to disagree. I just think, what’s the point of being a kid if you can’t live like one? I definitely don’t feel old enough to commit myself to a boy like that, and I don’t want to. I want to live freely and enjoy what I’ve got. I made myself a promise, after many friends of mine have lost their virginity to boys they don’t have a relationship with, that I would not have sex until I’m mentally ready, and when I feel ready to do so. And I’m going to stick to that promise, even if I’ll have to sacrifice a couple of things in order to keep to it.
One sacrifice might be BalaBoy.
Yet, I can’t seem to let go.
He’s made me feel so incredibly happy, I don’t want to lose him. But, I might have to let him go – I’m not, under any circumstances, going to have sex with him until I’m ready. It might be a couple of months or a couple of years before I feel that way, but I’m making no exceptions.
He lives really far so it might not be possible to have any sort of relationship anyway.
You might now think: what the hell is this girl doing with this boy? Well, what I’ve written makes him look as some sort of a criminal – but he’s lovely. He’s kind, funny and doesn’t take anything to heart. He’s had a tough time with his family therefore he’s immensely strong-minded. He makes me feel like I’m on top of the world, as you say, and I miss him a LOT when we haven’t spoken for a while.
I’d nearly die if I had to give him up.
So now, I feel awful. A severe up followed by a severe down in a matter of a day is agony!! A definite adventure park water slide of extreme height.
I hope that the spirits of tomorrow advise me to do the right thing.
I shall have to trust them.