Fired. Or am I?

Two weeks into my new summer job, it seems that I am already about to get the sack.

My friends and I booked a holiday to Spain months ago, landing on a date mid-July. It cannot be moved now, nor can it be cancelled as it is our first and last holiday together as a group. It has an emotional significance for each and every one of us.

Unfortunately, in applying for my job, this trip was far from my head and I honestly forgot to mention it.

Since starting the job, I knew this was an issue. I asked my co-workers what I should do and the clearest answer was to leave a note on the calendar to say that some dates were unavailable for me, but to leave it a few days so that the boss wouldn’t instantly fire me, which the girls thought she would.

I did so, and it seemed to be ok, as I received a text today from a co-worker giving me the dates of my next shifts.

This was until it was made clear that a co-worker was away that same week and couldn’t work her allocated shifts.

I received a text of apparent “shame in me” from my boss and a threat to give my job to another, and that we’ll speak tomorrow. I was then on the phone with a co-worker and I heard that my future shifts have since been struck off apart from tomorrow.

The thing is, I’m scared of my boss, and I don’t think I particularly want the job anymore, following this text. I know that it should have been stated from the beginning that this week was a no-go, but then I wouldn’t have had the job according to the girls.

At least I’ve been paid for the work I’ve done, which was good money.

I do sort of want to leave now. The shifts are erratic so being rid of the job would mean that I could volunteer, run, read and also be able to spend a week in Kent with my family and the Eisteddfod at the start of August. Though I wouldn’t have much money, and won’t be able to have that weekend in Paris I’ve longed for all year, I could enjoy myself without care.

What if I don’t get sacked. The job offers good money, something to occupy much of my time, and current Welsh literary knowledge. Chatting with my co-workers is also a plus. It will be different, without doubt; I think it would take time to settle into the swing of things again.

I know that this situation is of my own doing, and I don’t blame my boss for being annoyed / angry. I think what’s hit me is the “shame” in me, as I try my best to please people and being “shameful” brings back memories that haunt me from events surrounding my parents’ separation. I hate and despise being called “shameful”.

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

Funnily enough, I actually wouldn’t mind getting fired.